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The Prosecution: Beth

At times she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest assisting her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an audience. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my version of living actively: observing the details, sharing them with an audience that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my method of offering access, giving her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not all people enjoys being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private videographer, but friends support one another in small ways. My assumption was recording a short video now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She needs to honor her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some authentic memories, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?